Marital Duties

[1 Peter 3:1-2] Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
[7] Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
The heart of a godly wife will be submissive to her husband. This submission isn't a reward for the husband's good behavior; it is commanded by G-d as the proper order for the home. Their conduct should be such as would be adapted to lead their unbelieving husbands to embrace a religion whose happy influence was seen in the pure conduct of their wives. Feeling the need of leaning on one stronger than herself, the wife (especially if joined to an unbeliever) might be tempted, though only spiritually, to enter into that relation with another in which she ought to stand to "her own spouse.” An attachment to the woman who is a teacher might thus spring up, which, without being in the common sense spiritual adultery, would still weaken in its spiritual basis the married relation.
The discreet wife would choose first of all to persuade her husband to share with her in the things which lead to blessedness. But if this be impossible, let her then alone diligently press after virtue, in all things obeying him so as to do nothing at any time against his will, except in such things as are essential to virtue and salvation.
Yet, submission to authority can be totally consistent with equality in importance, dignity, and honor. Y’Shua was subject to both His parents and to G-d the Father, but was not lower than either of them. Thus, the command to wives to be subject to their husbands should never be taken to imply inferior personhood or spirituality, or lesser importance.
We submit to G-d appointed authority as our obligation before G-d, unless that authority directs us to sin. In that case, it is right to obey G-d rather than men (Acts 4:19-20).
Observe that wives are called to submit to their own husbands, not to men in general. Male headship is a principle of G-d for the home, not for society in general.
A wife's submission is a powerful expression of her trust in G-d. This kind of faith and obedience can accomplish great things, even without a word.
In the culture of the ancient world, it was almost unthinkable for a wife to adopt a different religion than her husband. Believing women who came to Y’Shua before their husbands needed instruction.
Wives may want to shape their husbands - either to Messiah or in Messiah - through their words. Peter reminds them that G-d's plan is that wives impact their husbands not through persuasive lectures, but through godly submission, chaste conduct, and the fear of G-d.
There is a sense in which a wife's efforts to shape her husband through her own words and efforts may hinder the power of G-d's working on the husband. It is much more effective it is to submit G-d's way, demonstrating trust in Him, and to let G-d have his way with the husband.
Fear means a reverential, towards our husbands, scrupulously pure, as opposed to the noisy, ambitious character of worldly women.
Do not let your adornment be merely outward: Peter does forbid all adornment. But for the godly woman, outward adornment is always in moderation, and her emphasis is always on inward adornment.
In the arranging the hair: In the world Peter lived in, women arranged and dyed their hair, they also wore wigs, especially blonde wigs, made with hair imported from Germany. All this adornment is merely outward. Peter does not forbid a woman fixing her hair, or wearing jewelry, any more than he forbids her wearing apparel (fine is not in the original). Rather let it be the hidden person of the heart: Real beauty comes from the hidden person of the heart, it isn't something you wear or primp for, but it is something you are.
The incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit: The inner beauty of a godly woman is incorruptible. This means that it does not decay or get worse with age. Instead, incorruptible beauty only gets better with age, and is of so much more value that the beauty that comes from the hair, jewelry, or clothing.
When women submit to their husbands, and when the do not put trust in their outward adornment, they are like the holy women of former times who trusted in G-d. They powerfully demonstrate their faith.
First, Sara obeyed Abraham, even when it was difficult and he was wrong (as in Genesis 12:10-20). Second, she honored Abraham by calling him lord. It is possible to obey someone without showing them the honor that is part of submission. True submission knows the place of both obedience and honor.
True submission, full of faith in G-d, has no room for fear or terror. It does well and leaves the result to G-d, not man.
The duty of husbands was to render all proper honor to their wives, and to live with them as fellow-heirs of salvation, that their prayers might not be hindered; implying,
1. That in the most important respects they were on equality;
2. That they would pray together, or that there would be family prayer; and,
3. That it was the duty of husband and wife so to live together that their prayers might ascend from united hearts and that it would be consistent for G-d to answer them.
5. Be of one mind; to have compassion; to love.
6. Never to render evil for evil, or railing for railing.
7. They were to remember the promises of length of days, and of honor, made to their spouse.
As to the weaker vessel: In this context, weaker speaks of the woman's relative physical weakness in comparison to men. Men aren't necessarily stronger spiritually than women are, but they are generally stronger physically. As Peter brought in the idea of the woman's feminine nature with the words the wife, he continues in appreciating the feminine nature and how a husband should respond to it a godly husband recognizes whatever limitations his wife has physically, and he does not expect more from her than is appropriate.
The heart of a godly husband dwell with the wife with understanding, giving honor to the wife, he abides with his wife. He doesn't merely share a house, but he truly lives with her.
He who loves his wife loves himself (Ephesians 5:28). The godly husband understands the essential unity G-d has established between husband and wife.
A godly husband undertakes the important job of understanding his wife. By knowing her well, he is able to demonstrate his love for her far more effectively. When a husband has this understanding, G-d directs him to use it, to dwell with his wife with understanding. He is supposed to take his understanding and apply it in daily life with his wife.
A godly husband knows how to make his wife feel honored. Though she submits to him, he takes care that she does not feel like she is an employee or under dictator.
This was a radical teaching in the world Peter lived in. In that ancient culture, a husband had absolute rights over his wife, and the wife had virtually no rights in the marriage. In the Roman world, if a man caught his wife in an act of adultery, he could kill her on the spot. But if a wife caught her husband, she could do nothing against him. All the duties and obligations in marriage were put on the wife. Peter's radical teaching is that the husband has G-d-ordained duties and obligations toward his wife.
A godly husband realizes that his spouse is not only his wife, but also his sister in Y’Shua. Part of their inheritance in the L-rd is only realized in their oneness as husband and wife. This reminds husbands that even though they have been given great authority within marriage, their wives are still equal to them in spiritual privilege and eternal importance: they are 'joint heirs.' The head (husband) cannot function with out the heart (wife).
The failure to live as a godly husband has spiritual consequences. It can and it will hinder prayer.
Most of us are willing to have one mind, as long as that one mind is my mind! But the one mind is to be the mind of Messiah (1 Corinthians 2:16). Our common mind is to be Y’Shua' mind.
The greatest challenge to our love for our mates comes when we are wronged. At those times, we are called to not return evil for evil, but to give a blessing instead. No dispute, argument, or personality conflict among believers should linger. Even if one gets out of line, the loving response of the other should keep the problem small and short-lived.
Do you have the heart to be a godly husband and a godly wife?