Restoration

Restoration of Friends
In the tunnel of conflict is the passageway to intimacy in any relationship, we grow closer to each other by facing and resolving our differences. Frankness is not a license to say anything you want, wherever and whenever you want. Thoughtless words leave lasting wounds.
Humility is the oil that smoothes and soothes relationships. Humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.
Some people are EGR people - “Extra Grace Required.” One key to courtesy is to understand where people are coming from. Discover their history. When you know what they’ve been through, you will be more understanding, and will think about how far they have come in spite of their hurts. You make it safe enough to share their doubts and fears without being judged.
We will share our true feelings (genuineness), encourage each other (support), forgive each other (mercy), speak to truth in love (honesty), admit our weaknesses (humility), respect our differences, (courtesy), not gossip (confidentiality), and make group a priority (frequency).
Genuine fellowship is rare, it means giving up our self-centeredness and independency in order to become interdependent.
Peacemaking is not avoiding conflict. Running from a problem, pretending it doesn't exist, or being afraid to talk about it is actually cowardice. Y’Shua, the Prince of Peace, was never afraid of conflict. On occasion He provoked it for the good of everyone. Sometimes we need to avoid conflict, sometimes we need to create it, and sometimes we need to resolve it. That’s why we must pray for the Holy Spirit’s continual guidance.
Peacemaking is also not appeasement. Always giving in, acting like a doormat, and allowing others to always run over you is not what Y’Shua had in mind.
Here are seven biblical steps to restoring fellowship:
1. Talk to the Father before talking to the person.
You will often discover that either G-d changes your heart or He changes the other person without your help.
Tell Him exactly how you feel for most conflicts are rooted in unmet needs.
No one can meet all of your needs except the Father.
2. Always take the initiative.
It doesn’t matter whether you are the offender or the offended: G-d expects you to make the first move.
When fellowship is strained or broken, plan a peace conference immediately. Don’s procrastinate, make excuses, schedule a face-to-face meeting as soon as possible. Delay only deepens resentment and makes matters worse. In conflict, time heals nothing; it causes hurts to fester.
Unresolved conflict, blocks our fellowship with G-d and keeps our prayers from being answered, besides making us miserable.
3. Sympathize with their feelings.
Use your ears more than your mouth.
Pay close attention! Focus on their feelings, not the facts. Begin with sympathy, not solutions.
Feelings are not always true or logical.
Patience comes from wisdom, and wisdom comes from hearing the perspective of others. Listening says, “I value your opinion, I care about our relationship, and you matter to me.” The cliché is true: People don’t care what we know until they know we care.
4. Confess your part of the conflict.
Since we all have blind spots, you may need to ask a third party to help you evaluate your own actions before meeting with the person with whom you have a conflict. Ask
G-d to show you how much of the problem is your fault.
Don’t make excuses or shift the blame; just honestly own up to any part you have played in the conflict. Accept responsibility for your mistakes and ask for forgiveness.
5. Attack the problem, not the person.
Choose your words wisely for how you say it is as important as what you say.
6. Cooperate as much as possible.
Peace always has a price tag. It cost our pride; it often cost our self-centeredness.
7. Emphasize reconciliation, not resolution.
Reconciliation focuses on the relationship, while resolution focuses on the problem.
Believers often have legitimate, honest disagreements and differing opinions, but we can disagree without being disagreeable.
We can walk arm-in-arm without seeing eye-to-eye on every issue.
You may need to continue discussing and even debating - but you do it in a spirit of harmony. Reconciliation means you bury the hatchet, not necessarily the issue.
These seven steps are simple, but they are not easy.