Being a Good Guest

People generally expect perfect behavior from the host and crab if anything is amiss. But the success of a social occasion does not depend upon the host alone, the guests also play a crucial role.
It’s tempting to think of the guest-to-host relationship as being one-sided: hosts do all the work and we, as guests, just show up. But socializing should be a two-sided activity where hosts see to our comfort and we respond with our company and respect. Punishing a host for his or her good intentions with bad behavior seems like an unnatural response, and yet so many hosts come away from events feeling used or having to deal with awkward situations. I like to think that this is the result of carelessness rather than cruelty, so assuming we all desire not to ruin the lives of our hosts, we need to learn a few simple rules.
Whether you’re a guest at a meeting or a brunch, or a house guest staying at the home of a friend or relative, there are certain codes of conduct to be followed.
The punctual guest - Events should not be held up on your account - it sends a significant lateness message that says, “Oh they can wait for me, they’re unimportant and have nothing better to do.” Making a late entrance may not necessarily be impressive; you could cause inconvenience to the hosts. Arrive on time, or if possible, even earlier and help with last minute preparations.
The thoughtful guest - Most often your host will be a friend or relative you know well. Arrive lady-or-gentlemen like, not calling great attention to yourself or interrupting what is going on. If you arrive late, take your seat quietly and wait for the right time to join in on the conversation or event.
Follow the flow – Don't make assumptions about their preferences or schedules just follow the flow of the hostess; don’t take the liberty to change the plans of your host, they have been carefully planned out already. It is showing disrespect for the host and hostess to not follow their lead, so ensure your visit is enjoyable for you and your hosts.
Don’t make demands - Note that your host or hostess is trying to please the majority of her guests rather than only you and your own personal wants or needs.
The only guest - Check with your hosts if you’re bringing any extra guests. If they’re ‘the more, the merrier’ kind of people, they won’t mind, but it is only polite to inquire.
Participate - All hosts expect that some guests will be more like shrinking violets than master storytellers. Shyness is nice, but shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you’d like to do. Don’t be standoffish. Make an effort to introduce yourself to guests you don’t already know. If you’re talking in a group and someone close by is standing alone, ask that person to join you. On the other hand, don’t monopolize the conversation – the day is for everyone to join in.
Control yourself - Why does this even need to be said? How you act in your own home is your own business, but how you act in the homes of others is the business of everyone watching; distracting other guests from interesting conversations is not a good thing. Being very close with the host is not your ticket to letting it all hang out either.
House guest - As a house guest, it is important to remember that you’re not at a hotel, so don’t expect room service. Your hosts will be hospitable and kind, but taking advantage of them is rude. Try and help out as much as possible, leave the house clean, don’t overstay your visit and bring a thank you gift.
Leave your troubles at the door - I know it’s hard, I really do. Venting is therapeutic, and it’s hard to resist when a whole sympathetic room stands listening to your story. Your friends do want you to be yourself and they do want to know what’s going on in your life, but they have come to enjoy themselves in the presence of G-d’s glory. These fascinating-to-you topics may be better suited for an intimate conversation with a like-minded friend or two, as long as it stays confidential.
When it’s time to go, go – When you say you need to go, get up, say goodbye and leave, (assuming you have provided your own transportation) so you will not change other peoples' plans.
Common sense rules for common courtesy - If your hosts provide advance information by phone or email to apprise you of relevant details, listen attentively, or read carefully, all they've taken the time to share for your benefit. If you don't, it will become clear during your visit that you have not – which is a poor reflection on your own level of consideration. It is crucial to be a considerate guest and mind your manners during your entire visit, so that when the time comes to say goodbye, everyone feels happy you came. It could make all the difference between a pleasant day, and being asked never to return.
The good guest is almost invisible, enjoying him or herself, communing with fellow guests, and most of all, enjoying the generous hospitality of the hosts.
Now that we’re equipped with the rules of being good guests, rudeness can’t touch us!