Days of my years

Ecc. 6:3 our life is to be reckoned rather by days than years.
Why is that, I asked myself? Pondering over the question for days and getting no answers I turned it over to the Father, “It is not how many years you live that matter, but what you did in days of your years.”
Now that is heavy and requires much more thought to consider all sides.
It has been said to me that “live is all about me,” well I sure do wish that had been true and I would have had more to say about myself in early life, no more beatings, no more verbal abuse, no more sexual abuse, no more being locked in dark closets, no more being unwanted nor unloved or abundant. No more blood running, from scars of the whip to embarrassing me in school, I might have made friends along life’s path and I would not have had to build such strong walls to hide behind to save myself from darts that keep coming my way.
But unfortunately life did not revolve around me and I can not change the feelings of others; I asked the Father if I gave off that impression that I am all it – and He answered, “You are about you – it is your walk with Me that you concentrate on. You have been a good student of My Word and studied to show yourself approved, not to empress mankind but to impress Me. You know you will be held accountable for every word, deed and action you chose to do – the great news is My daughter, is that you always come running to Me when you fall down or get into a mess, so let Me dry those tears and send you back on your course; I will see you at the finish line.”
I know I have wasted many years and many, and like my child I thought I knew better than my mother and needed to play life’s games, but as the days went on I knew that her instructions were not all that fare off from the truth and she meant to save me from more harm.
Why do we think OLD means stupid? She was far from stupid and had stumbled over the many holes in the road herself. Why do we have to learn the hard way? Each generation ignores the ones before them when in reality people never change from the beginning of time and they show who they real are = we just don’t believe then the first time.
I was told I have a “strong personality, a forceful one,” it was not meant as a complement and I questioned G-d about it. “People see in part were I see the whole picture. They do not see were you come from and what I have done in you and what I have for you. I have made you strong to endure what you were going to walk through and with your strong will, I will use for My glory for you carry My authority and you will be able to talk to the intellect and stand toe to toe with the forceful.”
As I pressed into building a relationship with my Heavenly Father I tried to mend past feelings and change circumstances but one can only change themselves.
Everyone has issues they have to deal with from chooses they had made.
So what have I done with my remanding days of my years is dealing with my own issues, trying to tear them down one by one with the Father’s help. Breaking bondages and soul-ties, and staying away from those that mean to harm me.
Daily pressing in and growing to my full potential with the Savoir of my soul, which for me involves studying the deep mysteries and working to full understanding – but the more I learn the more I have to learn – what a privilege He has given me.
I have not arrived yet – but does anyone or do we keep plugging away until the very end of life’s breath.
What are you doing with the days of your years?
Are you working towards eternity or still thinking about the here and now?
Don’t let anyone tear you down, not even your own, to strand strong you must know who you are in the L-rd and don’t look back or look down, for He has you in the palm of His hands.