Overcomer

Father, I actually made it!! I can’t believe it, I have become an overcomer! This was truly the hardest thing I had ever done! So while it is yet fresh in my mind I had better write it down. It had taken me three months to overcome a lifetime addiction. It was time to sink or swim!
I would start and stop, which put me right back to having to start over with all the withdrawal symptoms. Seemed to be a love hate thing going on here and I was not sure which way I truly wanted to fly.
I stayed pretty much alone but was so crabby I could not stand my self! “Now if I am doing this for my Father, I should have a better attitude,” so I willed my self to be pleasant or at least quiet.
They say if you can go three days straight the nicotine is out of the body and all you have to deal with is the head. In between all this I had a lot of physical pain, vomiting, loss of brainpower, could not think straight.
Taking to my bed I tried to sleep my life away. I found it fairly easy to seep forever, you just get up to relieve yourself, puke, and if hungry pop in a slice of cheese and go back to never-never land. Time passed much faster and I did not have the desire to smoke. But like all good things this must come to an end for I had to drive my son to work every now and then.
While I avoided talking on the phone, I could sit there for hours and listen to others talk. Didn’t feel like doing much cooking, and couldn’t concentrate for studying, so life was pretty bleak.
I did not say “I am quitting smoking”, for I hate failing, but I did say “I choose not to smoke for now.” It started an hour at a time, then worked its way to two hours. I could only make choices for now for tomorrow was not here yet and today was all I could handle. I would slip here and there, crying out for the Father to not give up on me.
The deal was to be free by the time my birthday came, but I was not. All bets were off – but I did not want to throw the towel in just yet. So “I yelled out “Father don’t let me give up on me!”
For what I learned was during the three months my habits were changing. I went from a 3 pack a day down to 1 pack, down to ½ pack until I bought no more. I could also now eat, talk on the phone, go to the bathroom, just basic functioning without having to smoke.
The hardest was what do non-smokers do with their free time of relaxation? Well I either keep busy or learn to twiddle my thumbs.
I found I had a hard time breathing, and became house bound. I also noticed I could not walk very far, and had become very lazy and spoiled just lying around.
Five times in these three long miserable months, I did break down and buy cigarettes. After all I deserved a reward for all my efforts, didn’t I? Hey and guess what?! I could breathe perfectly! I did not have that pressure sitting on my lungs rocking. My brain returned to the body and I could think again. Well, well, well what do you know about that – breathe and please the adversary or return panting for the L-rd? I do hate choices in life! But I decided death has no hold on me, absence from the body is present with the
L-rd. Guess childhood had prepared me well to handle pain, and I have come too far to turn back now.
With all five of the packs (purchased at different times) I would only get to enjoy ½ of it and then would tear the remainder up, one cigarette at a time “one for the Father, one for the Son, and one for the Holy Spirit, the Three in One.”
I was so busy taking it moment by moment, and day by day, that time got away from me.
No one noticed I had become free! Wow that amazes me, but then also shows that people are so set up in their own lives that if it doesn’t affect them it doesn’t bother them.
I was fighting such a minute-by-minute battle that I did not notice the time fly by, until the Father asked me when I had my last fix. WOW! I am not saying I am there, nor that I have arrived, but I am saying for the time being I am free from this bondages! Even starting to notice I smell better lately.
Were is the fruit of all this? What is to become of it? I do not know, but I know what my Father said years ago and if He is the same today as He was yesterday, bigger and better things are heading my way. But I must say even if it does not come down like this – it was time and I did it for Him. To Him be the glory of each breath of life I have left to take.
“You have walked a hard rock path, my Child. You slipped and fell, but you never once took your eyes off of Me. You kept coming, though you felt alone. Sometimes I had to hold you for you grew weary and tired; sometimes I had to bandage up all the wounds you accumulated along the pits of life; and sometimes I had to just mop up the all blood that keep pouring out of you.
To you that overcometh I will give the tree of life to eat. And you will not be hurt in the second death. I had hidden manna to feed you when you were hungry, and clothed you in white raiment as I confess your name before My Angels. You have kept My words unto the end, and I will give you power over the nations.
One day you will be like a pillar in My Temple and you shall go out no more, giving you My new name and we shall always be together for eternity.
I have said that one who overcometh will be granted to sit with Me on My throne, even as I also overcame, and have set down with My Father on His throne.
You will inherit all things, and I will be your G-d and you will be my daughter!
But until then My child, the game is not over for I have a lot of work for you to do, and you will do it in the fullness of your calling, carrying My authority and My power. For you are to be My Messenger with healing on your wings. Expect signs, and wonders to follow you for you will walk in My atmosphere bringing down heaven as you walk with the band of angels that were assigned to you from the pit you overcame.