Lack of Discernment

I have lived in this town for six years now and been looking for a church home, one that I personally would fit into (my son fits into any being a male). One day I met a lady in a fast food place and started talking to her, which is unusual for me for I am usually more reserved. She told me about the church she attended and I promised to visit.
I always keep my promises and very please to find the place full of extremely friendly people. Men and women came up to shake hands! The worship was great! Preaching was great! G-d’s presence was there! Yes, there was a good feeling and I got excited thinking I had found a place to fit in and used for the glory of the Kingdom.
Now in this fellowship the women all wear long dresses and have long hair, I of course show up in pants, which must made them think I was not saved. I had five different ladies ask me if I wanted to go up for prayer (salvation). Three different ladies wanted me to get the baptism of the Holy Spirit, and when I stated I already had, they wanted me to go forward to receive a fresh anointing.
I tend to cry when in G-d’s presents so several of them gathered around and prayed for me as if I was repenting of sin (according to their prayers).
All in all I was willing to over look their lack of discernment. I wanted to fit in and probably became too excited about it, lacking discernment on my part. I am blunt in my speech, say it like it is, which turned off people from getting to know me, I guess. I was told by one lady to “go slowly”. Another lady told me to “not talk and lesson more.” This was all meant as helpful advice. Bottom line is don’t be yourself and people may like you. Quite and meek I am not. But I am kind, helpful and thoughtful – if you look pass the outer shell.
One day in coming home my son and I notice a plate of cookies that were address to him from thoughtful members of the body. He was thrilled and eat them all himself. I thought that maybe they had men do for men and women for women, like in their praying. But I did not receive any thing, so maybe it was just individuals and not a church outreach.
A week later he got a real nice card in the mail from another couple welcoming him to the body. Hmm, think they like men better? Was I not a part after all? I mean there are only two people in my house – maybe I am over reacting?
I lined up people to come see a church that loved G-d, one lady went along with me and she is hard of hearing so we moved closer to the front. Now I had been sitting in the back, but had sat in the two back pews and was asked to move because it was reserved for mothers with small children. Good for the mothers but the children could not see anything.
I had noticed the first three pews on either side were empty when the youth was dismissed for Sunday school, and it put a distance between the Pastor and congregation when preaching. But this time we went forward and sat in the second pew from the left , the pew was empty, we were ask to move for that was reserved for the youth. We moved over to the right second pew, and were asked to move again. Ended up in the front pew, and found out it was for the deaf on one side and Pastors wife and children on the other.
Now this is embarrassing after I had build up the church to my friend. There were seats open off to the side in what they call the ‘overflow’. Now I got it down pat that the first three rows on the left and right and the last rows on the left and right in the back are reserved = eight rows all together. I did mention to the secretary that they should be posted with a sign for how are visitors to know what is allowed. She was very polite and said she would see to it.
I do not like people to always lay hands on me when praying for 1 Tim. 5:22 Lay hands suddenly on no man… That does not mean you can never do so, but if the Spirit is working with you, let Him do so. One should always pray first and follow the leading of what G-d says to do. I pray for people and stretch out my hand but never touch them, unless I am release to do so. The intentions are good, but you don’t want to be picking up any residue, or giving any away that may be on you. {Hope that wasn’t too deep to understand.}
Not many come over to shake my friend’s hand, or gather around to pray for her when we went out for prayer. I found this strange; maybe they think she had my convictions? If I am quite, as told, and not asking these questions - I can only go on assumption. So I am venting here to shake it off.
Now I have to admit if a purple head, with a spike hairdo or Mohawk, tattoos all over the body came in I would be judgmental and think they were not ‘saved, filled, sanctified”. Not saying I look like that, but we all have a preconception of what Believers are to look like, act like, speak like. We are all wrong, just because people don’t shape up like we think, don’t dress like us, walk or talk like us does not mean G-d doesn’t love them and has already dealt with them. In these last days it is predicted that G-d is going to bring in a lot of strange people, different music, and yes, He has a plan and purpose for them in reaching the lost.
We all seem to lack discernment! We need to get out of the box and move forward with the leading of the Spirit. How can you have an outreach if you don’t except strangers with different habits or ideas? Better to close the door and have members only.
What I have learned in all this is like your ‘first love’ you get excited and can not jump in and say: “Hi I’m here, what can I do to help? What group do you have to join?” You just come on to strong and they are not ready for you.
It is a shame for my excitement got put out – I need to learn how to be less aggressive in my old age and pretend to be someone else. Until then I will visit off and on, and keep my mouth shut, smile and nod my head. I realize people have to slowly get to know you, before you can be yourself; to see if you have any gifting or a calling.
Looking through my closet I had found three long skirts from times pass. Was going to wear them thinking if I looked more like them I would be accepted faster, and not viewed as a heathen. But was wondering if Y'Shua showed up in His normal wear - would He had been received?
Basicly they are G-d fearing people but it takes only a few to discourage one person. How easly we get offended. Unfortunately I am too old to sit around for ten or twenty years to be found useful. Not fitting in can be called rejection, but then I do fit in to His plan and purpose and that’s the important thing. I could also travel seventy miles back to were people seen me gifted and highly favored. One’s rejection is another’s blessing, it is all in how we view things.